Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sasquatch: Man, Myth, or Martian?

Sasquatch is possibly the most popular cryptozoological creature of all time. He--assuming he is male--has caused fear among many inhabitants of the remote forests, primarily in the Pacific Northwest region of the United States, where the majority of reported sightings have occurred.

Sightings have not been restricted to the Pacific Northwest, however. There have been a cluster of sightings in
Fouke, Arkansas. If this is the same Sasquatch, apparently he is both mobile and intelligent enough to travel across the country.

But to Mars?

A rover on Mars captured a photo of a man-like creature resembling the alleged Sasquatch captured on the famous
1967 Patterson film in 2004, and the photo was posted on NASA's website on January 2, 2008. NASA Scientists are puzzled by the photo.


Can't really blame them.

Is Life Possible on Mars?

Bigfoot isn't exactly the first person you would expect to see on Mars. The only evidence of life of any kind on Mars is scientists’ discovery of
evidence of water on Mars in 2000. This was, again, only evidence of water, not actual water.

Is the climate of Mars habitable? The average recorded temperature on Mars is -63 C (-81 F) with a maximum temperature of 20 C (68 F) and a minimum of -140 C (-220 F). [
1] Clearly colder than Earth, nonetheless with temperatures reaching in the 60’s Bigfoot could survive in the climate.

The atmosphere of Mars is quite different from that of Earth. It is composed primarily of carbon dioxide with very small amounts of other gases, such as nitrogen and oxygen. Martian air contains only about 1/1,000 as much water as our air, but even this small amount can condense out, forming clouds that ride high in the atmosphere or swirl around the slopes of towering volcanoes. Local patches of early morning fog can form in valleys. At the Viking Lander 2 site, a thin layer of water frost covered the ground each winter. [
2]

So there is evidence of water on Mars, and the atmosphere and weather conditions make it possible—though not probable—that a human could survive on this planet.

Bigfoot on Mars: Is it really that Unbelievable?

Skeptics—or, for that matter, mostly anyone who reads about Bigfoot on Mars will laugh at the ludicrousness of even the thought of Bigfoot being on Mars.

Well, why not Mars? We can't seem to produce any empirical proof of the existence of this creature on our own planet. Every identifiable animal on the planet reproduces, dies, and there are remains (e.g., a body or skeleton) to provide evidence of its existence. All that has been produced remotely related to Sasquatch is a fossil of a believed ancestor:
Gigantopithecus blacki. No bodies. No bones. Only some alleged footprints, grainy photos, and one 1967 film.

The existence of Bigfoot on Mars is not much less believable than the existence of Bigfoot on our own planet. It is similar to arguing that unicorns couldn’t live in Massachusetts, or that penguins couldn’t fly on the North Pole.

The Cain Connection

There is a theory that Sasquatch is really the biblical figure Cain, a son of Adam and Eve (Genesis 4:1). Cain is commonly regarded as the first murderer, who slew his brother Abel. The book of Genesis fails to mention Cain’s motive for murdering Abel, but the book of Moses indicates that Cain killed his brother in order to obtain his flocks (Moses 5:31, 33).

After murdering Abel, the Lord visited Cain and told him: “thou shalt be cursed from the earth which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother’s blood” (Moses 5:36).

The Lord then explained to Cain his curse: “When thou tillest the ground it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength. A fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth” (Moses 5:37).

Cain then told the Lord that Satan tempted him because of his brother’s flocks, and that he (Cain) was wroth also, “for his offering thou didst accept and not mine” (Moses 5:38). Cain then lamented, “my punishment is greater than I can bear” (Genesis 4:13, Moses 5:38).

Is Sasquatch really Cain?

David W. Patten, known as the first martyr of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, related a story in which he came across a "very remarkable person who had represented himself as being Cain":

"As I was riding along the road on my mule I suddenly noticed a very strange personage walking beside me. He walked along beside me for about two miles. His head was about even with my shoulders as I sat in my saddle. He wore no clothing, but was covered with hair. His skin was very dark. I asked him where he dwelt and he replied that he had no home, that he was a wanderer in the earth and traveled to and fro. He said he was a very miserable creature, that he had earnestly sought death during his sojourn upon the earth, but that he could not die, and his mission was to destroy the souls of men. About the time he expressed himself thus, I rebuked him in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by virtue of the Holy Priesthood, and commanded him to go hence, and he immediately departed out of my sight..."(Lycurgus A. Wilson, Life of David W. Patten [Salt Lake City: Deseret News, 1900], p. 50., as quoted by Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness [Salt Lake City, Bookcraft, Inc.]18th printing 1991 p.p. 127-128.).

Elder Patten’s description of Cain is very close to the general description of Sasquatch. Sasquatch is described as being between 7 and 10 feet tall, and covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair.[3]


From the biblical and subsequent Moses account, we know that Cain was cursed to be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth. There is no account of Cain’s death in the Scriptures, only that he was shut out from the presence of the Lord and dwelt with his wife and brethren in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden (Moses 5:41).

If Cain is Sasquatch, it would explain why there have been no Sasquatch remains (e.g. bodies or bones) discovered.

The Mark of Cain

Both the Genesis and the Moses account indicate that the Lord set a mark on Cain, “lest any finding him should kill him” (Genesis 4:15, Moses 5:40). What exactly was this mark? The accounts do not explain specifically what the mark was, however the purpose of the mark was clear: “lest any finding him should kill him.” The dictionary defines the word lest as “for fear that.” Thus the Lord wanted Cain to not be killed. This is supported by the Lord’s curse on Cain: “a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth,” and further by the Lord’s declaration: “Whosoever slayeth thee, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold” (Moses 5:40).


Flood Survival

Certainly if Cain is walking to and fro on the earth today, he must have survived the great flood by which the Lord told Noah He would destroy mankind (Genesis 6:7). Where was Cain during the flood? Maybe he made a raft, or perhaps he took a hiatus on Mars. It is not completely unreasonable to conclude that anyone who can survive for 6,000 years might also have the ability to travel to different planets. This would, however, contradict the statement made by Elder Patten that Cain was a “wanderer in the earth to travel to and fro…”

The Conclusion

So, is Sasquatch real? Is he really Cain? Is he capable of space travel? The answers to these questions are more than I know. One thing is for sure, however: if anyone is capable of living on Mars, it is someone who has survived in isolation for and indefinite number of years and still remained a mystery to everyone else.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Jackhammer Noogie

ASSM alum Zach Harding has threatened fellow former missionary Matt Inouye with a jackhammer noogie.